Gay Marriage? We've Got This!
To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward
From: Sister Millie Loomis, self-appointed ward culture critic and author of the blog, A Perfect Mormon Woman
Subject: My latest on gay marriage
We've Got This!
Although the complete legalization of gay marriage in the United States comes as a terrible blow to the faithful members of the Lord's church, we are prepared - we've got this!
We've made covenants. We know the doctrine. And we're not strangers to persecution.
After all, legal same-sex marriage isn't the only immoral law that the Supreme Court and a handful of activist judges in all 50 states have forced us to accept. Every day we are confronted with so-called legalities such as lottery tickets, cocktail bars, Starbucks, Victoria's Secret, Coke machines, and professional women in pants. Even in the midst of these indignities we have held our heads high. Today is no exception.
In these days of moral confusion, many good people are so desensitized, so lacking in good conscience, so lazy, slovenly, and intent on sin, that they find it nearly impossible to even distinguish truth, let alone stand for it.
This observation is in no way judgmental. Rather it is an expression of single-minded acceptance and unabashed humility. Now, thanks to the morally confused majority, love has lost, and marriage has become a mere manmade institution.
This is a lie. Marriage isn't about people. It's about God.
Since God, conveniently, speaks exclusively to to the leaders of our church, we know that the only legitimate marriage is between a man and a woman who are sealed in the Mormon temple for time and all eternity. - The woman cleaving exclusively to one man, and the man cleaving temporarily to one woman. That is, until the next life when he may have conjugal relations with hundreds, perhaps thousands of wives.
It is in this wholesome environment that God intended children to be born and raised.
Because of our beliefs, we will be labeled as bigots and told we are on the wrong side of history. But we know that we will prevail in the end. (In the meantime, being called bigots might spare us exposure to unsavory sorts with counterfeit lifestyles.)
But I digress. Now, as Latter-day Saints, we must stand strong for the Mormon definition of traditional marriage and against the sleazy, politically correct, morally confused United States Supreme Court.
Disagree? Think we're on the wrong side of history? Go ahead, call us bigots. (We're actually okay with that.)
In the spirit of unabashed humility,
Millie Loomis, A Perfect Mormon Woman
If you would like to stop receiving these emails, we invite you read this far more nuanced and sophisticated piece of satire penned by Kathryn Skaggs over on A Well-Behaved Mormon Woman.
From: Sister Millie Loomis, self-appointed ward culture critic and author of the blog, A Perfect Mormon Woman
Subject: My latest on gay marriage
We've Got This!
Although the complete legalization of gay marriage in the United States comes as a terrible blow to the faithful members of the Lord's church, we are prepared - we've got this!
We've made covenants. We know the doctrine. And we're not strangers to persecution.
After all, legal same-sex marriage isn't the only immoral law that the Supreme Court and a handful of activist judges in all 50 states have forced us to accept. Every day we are confronted with so-called legalities such as lottery tickets, cocktail bars, Starbucks, Victoria's Secret, Coke machines, and professional women in pants. Even in the midst of these indignities we have held our heads high. Today is no exception.
In these days of moral confusion, many good people are so desensitized, so lacking in good conscience, so lazy, slovenly, and intent on sin, that they find it nearly impossible to even distinguish truth, let alone stand for it.
This observation is in no way judgmental. Rather it is an expression of single-minded acceptance and unabashed humility. Now, thanks to the morally confused majority, love has lost, and marriage has become a mere manmade institution.
This is a lie. Marriage isn't about people. It's about God.
Since God, conveniently, speaks exclusively to to the leaders of our church, we know that the only legitimate marriage is between a man and a woman who are sealed in the Mormon temple for time and all eternity. - The woman cleaving exclusively to one man, and the man cleaving temporarily to one woman. That is, until the next life when he may have conjugal relations with hundreds, perhaps thousands of wives.
It is in this wholesome environment that God intended children to be born and raised.
Because of our beliefs, we will be labeled as bigots and told we are on the wrong side of history. But we know that we will prevail in the end. (In the meantime, being called bigots might spare us exposure to unsavory sorts with counterfeit lifestyles.)
But I digress. Now, as Latter-day Saints, we must stand strong for the Mormon definition of traditional marriage and against the sleazy, politically correct, morally confused United States Supreme Court.
Disagree? Think we're on the wrong side of history? Go ahead, call us bigots. (We're actually okay with that.)
In the spirit of unabashed humility,
Millie Loomis, A Perfect Mormon Woman
If you would like to stop receiving these emails, we invite you read this far more nuanced and sophisticated piece of satire penned by Kathryn Skaggs over on A Well-Behaved Mormon Woman.
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