Sister's First General Conference Prayer Leaked!

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward
From: Susan Renfro, Relief Society President
Subject: Official transcript of sister's conference prayer

Hours ago, the Church Correlation Committee released an official transcript of the prayer that "Mormon feminist," Barbie Wooley, will be delivering in this weekend's General Conference. Read below and be inspired:

Our dear, kind Heavenly Father, 

My fellow sisters and I are so grateful to be Thy beloved spirit daughters. We thank Thee for giving our lives meaning, purpose, and direction. 

We pray, dear Heavenly Father, that with Thy divine guidance, we may continue to find nobility in motherhood, joy in womanhood, and delight in our divine destiny.
  
We also ask, dear Heavenly Father, that Thou will help us, your beloved daughters, to be ever-mindful that we are each entitled to a satisfying and fulfilling experience in any church position. So long as the priesthood is always on top.

--Amen

If you would like to stop receiving these e-mails, we'll assume you don't understand what your assigned position is.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

LDS Youth Participate in Another Fake Q&A

Last night the LDS Church aired a "Face to Face" with Elder Rasband (Quorum of the Twelve), Sister Oscarson (General Young Women president), and Brother Owen (General Young Men president). View here . The 80 minute program was presented as an "unscripted" Q&A with young audience members either raising their hands in the local Salt Lake venue or remotely querying via email or social media. However, after listening for only a few minutes, it seemed obvious (to me anyway) that the whole thing had been written in advance. Not only were the questions outside the teenaged vernacular: "Brother Owen, how can I not feel so alone when I know those around me have so many different standards?"  But the answers sounded like mini-conference talks replete with "great question, Andrea," the perfect homey personal experience - not too verbose - then, "and the moral is..." Clearly the answers had already been prepared to questions the leaders had alr...
Read more

Loving that Appearance of Evil

It's tricky being a Mormon. They have to obey all these rules - or at least look like they're obeying them. That's the key. Looking the part. Just about every Sunday Mormons are reminded to "avoid the appearance of evil." This gospel tenant is driven so deeply into their collective psyche that you'll find them rushing to explain even the slightest possible misperceptions. Brother Benson, I know you saw me standing in front of the liquor store, but it was only because I was admiring an ad featuring a guy that looked like someone I used to play ball with. . . . Not that I'm gay or anything. The problem is the emphasis on appearances doesn't stop at the chapel doors. During the week Mormons go out into the world, equally obsessed with how they look, especially when they're hanging with "the cool kids" - aka "nonmembers." This is why you'll see hipster-clad Mormons at Starbucks buying milk in cool looking cups or at LDS wedding ...
Read more

Signing Off On Ward Gossip

After six years and over 300 posts, I've finally decided to move on. It won't be easy! I've loved writing this little Mormon-themed blog. Even more, I've loved the responses I've gotten from so many readers - not only in the comment fields, but in private emails, snail mail (I received a lovely gift from a reader just the other day**), and in real life. I've made countless new friends via this blog and I am grateful and indebted to all of you for your encouragement and support. I'm even thankful for the occasional snarky reader who has kept me on my toes. It's been a great six years. ** Psst...love the DVD and CD's, Gentle Reader/You Know Who You Are! Ward Gossip started as a writing exercise. Since I was at work on my first Mormon-themed mystery novel, a Mormon blog seemed a natural companion. My early posts took the form of emails from the (fictional) Abbottsville 4th Ward. Later I added "other musings" to include articles from the (also ...
Read more