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To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward From: Donna Banta Subject: Alternatives to church Why I love Sundays now: Instead of sitting in church teaching the Young Women how to be sweet spirits, I'm here at Book Passage teaching members of CWC Marin how to be badass bloggers. We are badass! GO  HERE  TO VOTE IN THE 2012 BRODIE AWARDS!

To: Abbottsville Stake Relief Society Sisters From: Mitchell Knightly, President of the Abbottsville Stake Subject: Abbottsville sisters weigh in on rights! Dear Sisters, Congratulations! The following  article in the Abbottsville Gazette features some of you: LDS Women Struggle To Define Their Rights By MORRIS MATHESON Published: January 23, 2013 ABBOTTSVILLE, CA -- During a recent BYU Devotional, the LDS General Young Women's president stirred up mass confusion within Abbottsville's Mormon community when she made the following statement: "Young women, you will be the ones who will provide the example of virtuous womanhood and motherhood. You will continue to be virtuous, lovely, praiseworthy and of good report. You will also be the ones to provide an example of family life in a time when families are under attack, being redefined and disintegrating. You will understand your roles and your responsibilities and thus will see no need to lobby for rights." Ever obedien...

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward and the wonderful people who read my blog. From: Donna Banta Subject: Fact vs. Fiction Okay, so this morning I asked Mark if he had picked up his prescription. He stared at me for a second then answered, "Yes. I went last night after dinner. Remember ?" I thought for a moment, shook my head, and said, "Are you sure?" We went back and forth a few rounds before I got things straight in my mind. My husband had picked his prescription. But the character in the novel I'm currently writing had not. This brings me to the question, what do you do when your fictional world intrudes on your real one? Give up writing novels? Not an option. Give up blogging? No way! Give up reading my friends' blogs? Are you kidding?! Give up watching news and following politics? Hello? It's the source of my best material. Maybe that's the problem, the fictional world has become more believable than the real one. Or maybe I'm just crazy. To illus...

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward From: Ruthie Renfro Subject: Still doing my darndest at BYU-I Dear Abbottsville Fourth Ward, Golly I just don't know how I can ever thank you for fasting as a ward and then pooling your hard earned savings together to buy me the most awesome Christmas present ever!!! Gosh Abbottsville Fourth, you're the best. And thanks to you, I'm going to do my double-darndest to earn that MRS degree! The staff at the Rexburg NewYou! were way cool, and my cosmetic surgeon, Dr. Moroni Tanner, is Idaho's leading expert on silicone implants--making him a household name to all of the sisters in Rexburg's tri-stake area Relief Society! And boy can I testify to you, he is truly an artiste. Your money has been well spent! I'm back to full recovery now and am armed with a closetful of tight sweaters. I can't wait to take my new girls out for a spin. And guess what, A-4--I've got a date this weekend! WOO-HOO! I haven't met him yet, but his name...

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward From: Brother J. "Bull" Barton, Ward Preparedness Specialist Subject: Ward Preparedness Update Thanks to the recent publication of Seven Miracles That Made America Great by the beloved patriot and recently elected congressman, Arlen Jamison (R-Utah) , I have decided to lower the Ward Threat Level to ORANGE . Up until now, our children's view of our nation's history has been formed by the feminists, gays and intellectuals who authored the text books distributed in our public schools. Finally we have a volume that will teach them the real story. And just in time to save our future generations. Meticulously referenced, Seven Miracles That Made America Great describes in painstaking detail and absolute accuracy the 7 authentic miracles that made America what it is today. ________ Chapter headings: The Miracle of the Declaration of Independence The Miracle of the US Constitution The Miracle of the Lever Action Repeating Rifle The Miracle of Hig...