debor067

This year marks the 200th anniversary of the publication of Pride and Prejudice , Jane Austen's beloved novel about the five gentleman's daughters who are faced with the chore of finding husbands in class-conscious Regency-era England. It is being celebrated in Great Britain and countless other global venues, both historical and high tech , and even here on my obscure Ex-Mormon blog. I first read Pride and Prejudice during the summer before my freshman year at BYU. It was a timely accomplishment that prepared me for the society I was about to enter into. Because at BYU, both then and now, it is a truth universally acknowledged that every single man is in want of a wife--well before he has time to possess any fortune. Wandering about the Provo campus, a young coed is bound to encounter a few principled but haughty Mr. Darcys, more than a few disreputable Mr. Wickhams (who would meddle with the girls  before  leaving on their missions), perhaps hundreds of obedient and obsequi...

Lately I've been blocking out the Abbottsville Fourth Ward's emails because I've been blocked in general, at least here on Ward Gossip. However, May is sex month over on Ex-Mormon Mavens, and what a month it's been! Turns out we Mavens have so much to say on the subject that sex month is now extending through June. No surprise. It's only fair that ample time be dedicated to a subject that's been the inspiration of most great art, literature, music, theater, and film--as well as the obsession of all toxic and destructive fundamentalist faiths. You may read my contribution here. I've also disabled the supposedly upgraded google+ comment feature that hid all my readers' comments on my last post. What is with that?

To: Abbottsville Stake Single Adults From: Ricky and Mindy Foote, Stake Single Adults Leaders Subject: It’s Day Camp time, boy and girls! As always, Mindy and I are honored to serve a group that includes so many near and dear, such as my former seminary teacher, Mindy's old high school principal, Sister Post who helped me earn my Duty to Country badge, and, of course, Mom. So clear the first week in June, you crazy kids, for the annual Single Adult Summer Day Camp! Here are just some of the highlights! Monday Scavenger Hunt! Dressed in our matching LDS SA Day Camp tee-shirts, we’ll divide into teams and search the Abbottsville Mall for: an employment application at least 50 cents found on the floor or in the center court fountain a french fry (can’t buy it) team photo with a red-head—extra points if his/her name is Kelly group shot of everybody in one bathroom stall and more! Tuesday Fun with Silly String, glitter, shaving cream and Magic Sand! Wednesday Slip-n-Slide! Thursda...

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward Relief Society From: Donna Banta Subject: Mother's Day at Abbottsville's Swizzle Stick Bar Dear Sisters, I've attached the following invitation in the hope that you will consider this far more desirable alternative to every woman's most demoralizing church meeting of the entire year. SWIZZLE STICK MOTHER'S DAY PARTY! Especially for Mormons Dear Sisters, Don't want to sit through a three hour lecture on Mother's Day? Sick of constantly being reminded of your "sacred role?" Tired of delighting in your husbands, waiting for your happily ever afters, turning lemons into lemonade, standing in holy places, sweetening the world one drop at a time, and blooming where you're planted? Rather spend the Sabbath getting shit-faced? Then ditch church this Sunday and JOIN THE PARTY at the SWIZZLE STICK! 9:00 a.m. Bar open 12:00-2:00 p.m. Primary Songbook Karaoke 2:00-4:00 p.m. Performance by " Mutha's Who Know " 4:00...

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward From: Jim Harold, Ward Scoutmaster Subject: Gay Deconversion Merit Badge The experience of same-sex attraction continues to be a complex issue for the LDS Church. However, when the Boy Scouts of America recently changed their policy to include openly gay scouts, church authorities not only approved , they also sensed an opportunity. The creation of the Gay Deconversion Merit Badge! Requirements for the badge are still in the planning stage, but are expected to include the following: Befriend a boy who's converted to gay and invite him to join your local scout troop. Kindly and with compassion, help the gay convert realize the depth of his shame.  Compose a 1,000 word essay entitled, "Why Our Heavenly Father Would Never Do That To Anyone."  Additional requirements will most likely be the acquisition of some legal, social, and technical skills that may also be applied toward earning the "Crime Prevention," "Disability Awareness,...