debor067

To the wonderful people who read my blog, Unfortunately an emergency wine tasting excursion prevents me from forwarding this week's email from the A-4. But I am offering you this "golden oldie" from 2011. Enjoy! To: Abbottsville Temple District From: Gordon Skousen, President of the Abbottsville Temple Subject: The Unfortunate Incident. On behalf of the Abbottsville Temple Presidency, I wish to convey our heartfelt condolences to the victims of the Abbottsville Temple Tragedy. As many of you now know, early this morning temple worker Wilbur Simmons stood at the altar to officiate a routine endowment session. It started out as planned. But when it came time for Adam to receive the Aaronic Priesthood, Brother Simmons, who was unaccustomed to his new bifocals, sent the room into chaos when he accidentally hit the fast forward button. Panic ensued as obedient temple patrons scrambled to robe, disrobe, then re-robe in the Holy Priesthood. -- A break-neck frenzy resulting in st...

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward Elders Quorum From: Brett Cummings, Elders Quorum President Subject: Valentine's Day Guidelines As you know, the bishop has cancelled all church activities tonight so that the married couples in the ward may enjoy a romantic evening together. Romance is an important part of marriage. The bishop and stake president approve of romance. The Brethren in Salt Lake are all for romance too.--So long as it doesn't get out of hand. For this reason, the Brethren have compiled the OFFICIAL PRIESTHOOD GUIDELINES FOR VALENTINES DAY.  These inspired rules are essential in our perilous times.  Anywhere you look tonight you'll no doubt be exposed to the evil influences of worldly couples who are drinking wine, eating rich food, flaunting their scantily clad bodies in bars and dance halls, listening to erotic music, watching sexually explicit films, and reciting crude and pornographic verse they deceptively refer to as love poetry. Then they'll go back to th...

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward From: Donna Banta Subject: Yet another sin-filled Fast Sunday and/or why we have them. Dear Abbottsville Fourth, Once again, while you were sitting half-starved in Fast and Testimony Meeting, apologizing to everyone you've offended and promising yourselves you wouldn't cry, the San Francisco Post-Mormons were living it up in the City! This time at a Super Bowl party at our house! The main dish, Julia Child's Boeuf Bourguignon, was prepared ahead of time by the Ecole Des 3 Gourmandes, aka Sarah, Eric and me. Sarah drying the beef Eric assembling the stew Then there was the usual lightmindedness, loud laughter, and evil speaking of the self-appointed. Brace yourself A-4 for some of the most evil and unnatural images you have ever witnessed! Also there was drinking: Blurred image thanks to blurred condition of photographer and her subjects Over the years my dear friends from the Abbottsville Fourth Ward have posed the question, "Why do Ex-Morm...