debor067

Note to my dear Readers: this post was originally published on December 28, 2009 when the only people reading my blog were either family members or people who owed me money. I trotted it out for a second run in the hope that more might enjoy it. Also so Mark and I can spend the day celebrating our 32nd wedding anniversary. Enjoy and happy holidays! To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward From: Ward Mission Leader, H. LaVar Turley Subject: The blessings of tithing Less Actives can be so selfish. Always carping about tithing. Claiming it's too expensive and they can't afford it, even inventing delusional complaints about church finances. Some pay only five percent, some none at all. At times we're tempted to leave them to their sinful choice. After all it's theirs to make. But here's the thing. No investment is more important than Heavenly Father's tithe. Consider how the Less Active squanders the Lord's due: designer clothes, sports cars, and boozy marathons in front of...

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward From: Wilbur T. Nussel, 2nd Counselor in the Elders' Quorum Presidency Subject: I confess just in time for the apocalypse At first I was a little skeptical about the whole Mayan calendar doomsday prediction for 12/21/12. But then I saw women wearing pants to church last Sunday and I realized that it truly is the end of the world. So before I meet my maker, I'd better get a few things off of my chest. First, to Bishop Zimmerman, I still have that hammer you lent me last year, and I admit I had no intention of returning it . . . until now. I'll try to get it back to you before tomorrow. To Sister Renfro, I'm sorry to say that I'm the one who dented your fender in the church lot last April. To all of you, remember how I used to get up in Fast and Testimony Meeting and apologize for offending people? Well, the truth is, I wasn't sorry. I mean, let's face it, Brother Harold does have doggy breath, Sister Riley probably has the biggest...

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward From: Mark Crawford. ward inactive token gay who still gets the emails Subject: Wear Pants to Church Day My dear friends in the Abbottsville Fourth Ward, As many of you know, this Sunday is Wear Pants to Church Day, an event created by Mormon feminists that invites LDS sisters everywhere to wear slacks to church in order to promote gender equality. When I heard about this, my heart was touched and I became filled with the spirit. So much so that for the first time in years, my husband, Byron, and I have decided to attend church on a Sunday when my mother isn't even in town. But as much as I approve of this protest, I am afraid that it will fall way short of the desired goal. It's based on a faulty assumption. The  event's organizers  claim the following: We believe that much of the cultural, structural, and even doctrinal inequality that persists in the LDS church today stems from the church's reliance on – and enforcement of – rigid gender ...

To: Abbottsville Stake From: Mitchell Knightly, President of the Abbottsville Stake Subject: The Church reaches out to gays and lesbians Recently the Brethren made the following statement regarding our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters: The experience of same-sex attraction is a complex issue for the LDS Church. That is because we have long held the position that homosexuality is a vile and unnatural orientation. Only we can't really say so anymore because when we do people call us prejudiced and sometimes even quit attending church. In that spirit, we reach out to our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. We understand that many of you may not have chosen to become gay. But even if Heavenly Father accidentally gave you this so-called tendency, He certainly didn't intend for you to act upon it. We know this is difficult for you, our dear "unique" brothers and sisters. But here's the good news: if you remain either  celibate or in a completely unsatisfying heter...